Questions To Ask a Therapist Before You Start
How to Choose a Couples Therapist
Choosing a couples therapist is an important step toward strengthening your relationship — but how do you know which therapist is right for you and your partner? You may have searched for terms like “best relationship counseling near me” or “how to choose a couples therapist,” and now you’re looking at a list of options. How do you make an informed choice?
Starting couples therapy is a significant investment in your relationship. You want a therapist whose expertise aligns with your needs — someone who understands the challenges you’re facing and can guide you effectively.
A good couples therapist will typically offer a brief consultation so you can assess their approach and determine if they’re the right fit. To help you through this process, I’ve provided a list of key questions to ask when evaluating a potential therapist — along with guidance on what to listen for in their responses.
These questions fall into 3 essential categories:
- A therapist’s qualifications – Their training, experience, and credentials.
- Their perspective on relationship distress and wellness – How they understand and approach relationship challenges.
- Their therapeutic process – What working with them will look like, session to session.
Is a potential new couple therapist to find out if they’re right for you? Below is a guide to help you determine this and find the right relationship counseling near you. I’ve broken it into sections to make it easier to track.
Ask a Potential Therapist These Questions
Couple Therapist Qualifications
Experience and Professional Engagement
“Approximately what percentage of your practice over the last two years has been dedicated to working with couples?” And, “do you have a regular consultation process wherein you discuss your work?” These questions aim to assess the therapist’s dedication to couples therapy. A therapist applying techniques learned for individual therapy to the complexities of a couple’s dynamics can fall far short of what a relationship needs.
Specialized Couple Therapy Training and Qualifications
“What specific training in couples therapy have you undertaken?” Exploring their specialized training provides insight into their qualifications and dedication, facilitating the process of finding the right therapist for you. Prospective therapists should be able to describe application of a method of therapy relative to their training. An EFT Couple Therapist can describe their process in a detailed fashion.
“Do you have specific training regarding difficulties related to sexuality?” This is an important question for couples struggling with problems relating to sexuality to ask.
Feedback and Evaluation Process
“How do you provide feedback and evaluate progress in therapy?” This question allows couples to understand how the therapist assesses progress and navigates therapeutic milestones. A transparent feedback mechanism is vital for ensuring that therapy remains aligned with the couple’s goals and for making necessary adjustments to the therapeutic approach.
Couple Therapist’s Theoretical Orientation
Therapist’s Theoretical Orientation
“What theoretical perspective guides your work with couples?” It is essential that the therapist operates from a solid theoretical foundation, such as Attachment Theory, which is at the heart of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). The approach a therapist takes should be grounded in solid theory. Also, there should be a structured methodology to effectively address relationship distress.
Does the Therapist Understand When NOT to Do Couple Counseling?
“What are the Contraindications to Couple Therapy?” A prospective therapist should be clear about this. They should describe when the type of couple’s therapy they do might not be the best choice or should be approached with caution. Common contraindications follow: Severe mental illness and substance use disorders that interfere with participation. Misaligned agendas for therapy. Ongoing affairs that threaten a partner’s sense of security. Also, a risk of violence that prohibits vulnerability. In some cases, addressing the contraindicating issue (such as through individual therapy, addiction treatment, or safety planning) can make couple therapy like EFT a viable option later on.
Therapist’s Focus: Emotional Connection or Behavioral Contracts?
“How important is the emotional bond versus behavioral contracts in your approach to couple dynamics?” Herein, a therapist who emphasizes strengthening the emotional connection addresses the core issues of relationship distress effectively. The late Dr. Sue Johnson’s insight, “it’s about the bond, not a bargain,” poignantly captures the essence of couple therapy.
Perspective on Enhancing Communication Skills
“How do you work to enhance communication skills in your therapy sessions?” Ideally, the therapist’s approach should highlight the importance of fostering trust that your partner is available, responsive and emotionally engaged. By contrast, a focus on mere communication techniques can interfere with the depth of understanding in the relationship. “I statements” and similar “communication tips” don’t come online readily when intense emotion gets stirred. This is a very important distinction in finding the right therapist for you.
Couple Therapist’s Process
Expectations for Therapy Duration and Frequency
“What are your expectations for the duration and frequency of therapy sessions?” This question helps set realistic expectations for the therapy process. For example, you want to understand how long it might take to see improvements and how often sessions will occur. Therapy is a significant investment. It’s crucial for planning and commitment to the therapeutic journey that you know what to expect.
Strategies for Enhancing Connection Outside Therapy
“What strategies do you recommend for couples to enhance their connection outside of therapy sessions?” A therapist who offers practical tools, exercises and resources for couples to work on between sessions demonstrates a proactive approach to therapy. This can help accelerate progress by encouraging partners to actively engage outside the therapeutic setting.
Approach to Individual Sessions
“Do you conduct individual sessions with partners?” Generally, therapy should involve both partners, with individual sessions reserved for specific assessment purposes. This approach reflects the therapist’s commitment to treating the relationship as the central client. Further, you probably don’t have the right therapist for you if they don’t have a clear policy about how to treat informations shared during individual sessions!
Ensuring Impartiality
“How do you maintain impartiality in your sessions?” Asking this question probes the therapist’s strategy for navigating complex couple dynamics. Thereby, ensuring they view the relationship as an interconnected system. I think it’s so important to feel confident about a prospective therapist’s answer to this question. This is because the experience of therapist bias toward one partner is a primary reason clients cite for therapy “failing.”
How to Find the Best Couples Therapy Near You
If you’re looking for couples therapy in Reno, NV (or in your local area), here are a few tips to help you find the best therapist for your needs:
- Search using phrases like “how to choose a couples therapist,” “relationship counseling near me,” or “couples therapy Reno NV.”
- Look for therapists who specialize in relationship work and have advanced training — such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method.
- Prioritize therapists whose practice is focused on couples counseling — not general individual therapy.
- Ask for a brief consultation — this helps you assess their approach and whether it feels like a good fit.
- Consider practices like Individual & Relationship Counseling Associates in Reno where couples therapy is a core specialty.
How to Choose a Couples Therapist: Summary
Selecting the right couples therapist is a thoughtful process — and asking the right questions can help you choose a professional who aligns with your relationship goals. The questions provided here will give you insight into a therapist’s philosophy, methods, and approach, helping you determine if they’re the right fit for your needs.
While a basic search such as “relationship counseling near me” is a good starting point, refining your options is essential. Look for a compassionate, well-trained therapist who provides a clear process, focuses on emotional connection, and can effectively guide you and your partner toward a stronger relationship.
If you’d like to learn more about our approach to couples therapy, visit our Couples Counseling in Reno page or contact us for a confidential consultation.
