Secure Love by Julie Menanno: A Therapist’s Perspective

Why Secure Love Is a Great Read for Couples

Over the years, I’ve worked with many couples who struggle with recurring patterns of disconnection. Often, they come in feeling stuck, having the same arguments over and over, or feeling an unsettling distance between them. If this sounds familiar, Secure Love by a colleague of mine, Julie Menanno is a book I highly recommend.

What sets this book apart is its practicality. Julie, an experienced Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) practitioner, breaks down attachment theory into everyday, relatable struggles that couples experience—why one partner withdraws, why the other protests, and how these dynamics keep both feeling unseen and unheard. She offers concrete tools for shifting from reactivity to responsiveness, helping couples create a sense of emotional safety that leads to deeper connection.

Praise from Professionals & Readers

I’m not the only one who finds Secure Love an invaluable resource. It has received strong endorsements from leading voices in the field:

• Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), calls it an essential guide to understanding and strengthening attachment in relationships.
• Lori Gottlieb, therapist and author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, describes it as a “practical, easy-to-understand guide” to fostering secure attachment.

Readers have pointed to the accessibility of this material, and I agree. For example, one review I read says, “Julie writes and explains things in a way that is easy to understand and incredibly helpful.” Another from Goodreads highlights the book’s impact, saying, “Menanno teaches you how to establish a secure attachment with your partner to create the bond you’ve been longing for.”

Key Insights from Secure Love

Julie provides a roadmap for creating security in relationships. Some of the most valuable takeaways include:

• Understanding Attachment Styles – How your attachment history shapes your relationship patterns, and what to do if you and your partner have different styles.
• Breaking Negative Cycles – Identifying the patterns that push you apart (like the classic pursuer-withdrawer dynamic) and learning how to reconnect.
• Developing Emotional Responsiveness – Tuning into your partner’s emotions in a way that fosters closeness rather than conflict.
• Creating a Secure Base – How to establish trust, safety, and emotional intimacy that lasts.

I see these patterns play out in therapy all the time. Many couples I work with struggle with the very issues Menanno describes—feeling unheard, stuck in cycles of defensiveness, longing for closeness but unsure how to create it. The tools in this book align very closely with what we work on in therapy, making it an excellent complement to attachment-focused couples counseling.

Why I Recommend This Book to My Clients

As therapists who specializes in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), my colleagues and I help couples move from frustration to connection by strengthening their emotional bond. What I appreciate about Secure Love is that it brings attachment science out of the therapy room and into everyday life.

Many clients find this book helps them better understand themselves and their partner, making it easier to apply the work we do in sessions. Sometimes, simply having language for what’s happening—realizing that a withdrawal pattern is not “coldness” but a way of managing distress—can be a breakthrough.

If you’re reading Secure Love and find yourself thinking, “Yes, this is exactly what we go through, but how do we fix it?”, therapy can take these ideas further. In counseling, we don’t just learn about attachment—we experience new ways of relating in real time, creating new emotional patterns that lead to lasting change.

Should You Read Secure Love?

I recommend this book for:
✔ Couples who feel disconnected and want to understand what’s going wrong.
✔ Individuals who want insight into their attachment style and how it affects their relationships.
✔ Those who struggle with conflict cycles and need practical strategies to shift toward secure connection.

If you’re looking for a great supplement to therapy for improving your relationship, Secure Love is a fantastic resource. It can even serve as a self-guided approach. But if you’re finding it hard to break old patterns on your own, couples therapy can provide the support, guidance, and real-time practice needed to create lasting change.

Want to Deepen Your Connection? Let’s Work Together.

If you resonate with the principles in Secure Love but need help applying them in real life, my colleagues and I can help. As EFT couple therapists, we guide partners in moving from disconnection to deeper connection, using attachment-based therapy to create lasting change.

👉 Schedule a consultation today and start building a more secure, loving relationship.