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Attachment and Wellness
Podcast Interview: “Cultivating Healthy Bonds: Insights from Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy”
Attachment and Wellness are Inseparable
Feeling connected and important to others is essential for our overall well-being. Simply put, attachment and wellness are inseparable. Therapists use Attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a primary application of this theory, to provide significant insights into developing healthy connections.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, initially developed by John Bowlby and furthered by Mary Ainsworth, posits that the bonds formed in early childhood have profound effects on our emotional development and interpersonal relationships throughout life. This theory has evolved to encompass adult relationships, recognizing that the need for secure attachments extends well beyond childhood. In therapy, understanding how individuals cope with feelings of disconnection, with threat to security – is key to addressing various emotional and relational challenges.
The Role of Emotionally Focused Therapy in Enhancing Relationship Bonds
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an attachment-based model of treating couples families and individuals, is a short-term form of therapy that focuses on adult relationships and attachment/bonding. It helps individuals understand their emotional responses and patterns in relationships. EFT is a highly-effective, gold standard couples therapy. It encourages partners to express their emotions and needs more openly and empathetically, fostering stronger, more secure relational bonds.
The integration of attachment theory and EFT in therapeutic practices has proven instrumental in promoting mental wellness. By addressing the underlying attachment needs and emotional patterns, therapists can help individuals and couples develop healthier, more fulfilling relationships. This, in turn, contributes significantly to overall mental health and wellness.
Cornelius enjoys discussing the relationship of healthy interpersonal bonds to overall wellness, i.e. attachment and wellness, with Heather Haslem, the Senior Project Coordinator for Workforce Development at the Center for the Application of Substance Abuse Technologies (CASAT) at the University of Nevada, Reno. Heather trained at Duke University as an Integrative Health Coach. She is a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC). Heather also brings expertise as a qualified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) teacher and yoga instructor.
#attachment #emotionalwellness
You
The Promise of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Stronger Communities
Building stronger communities is crucial, especially now as we face a widespread loneliness epidemic. The path to greater connectedness is clear. Based on attachment theory, EFT recognizes our inherent need for deep social bonds and strong emotional connections, fundamental to robust communities. By focusing on emotional dynamics, EFT helps forge secure, resilient relationships, aiding in resolving conflicts and emotional pain. It enhances emotional control and thinking adaptability, enabling calmer responses to new experiences. At its core, attachment theory and EFT teach us that embracing each other, rather than avoiding or opposing, is key to overcoming distress.
On the macro level, the promise of Emotionally Focused Therapy can be understood from several angles:
- Cultural Impact: Firstly, recognizing the importance of emotional intelligence and secure attachment can shift cultural narratives. This, in turn, impacts entertainment, education, and policy, pushing societies towards valuing emotional health and strong bonds.
- Model for Healthy Communication: Additionally, EFT provides tools for validating feelings, empathetic listening, and open communication. When applied widely, these can foster understanding and minimize conflicts, benefiting both personal relationships and larger contexts like communities and workplaces.
- Strengthening Relationships: At its core, EFT believes that strong attachments promote well-being in individuals and relationships. By mending attachment wounds and nurturing closer bonds, EFT subsequently bolsters family and community stability.
- Reducing Divorce and Separation Rates: Furthermore, EFT’s effectiveness in addressing relationship issues suggests its broader use could decrease divorce and separation rates, ensuring stable homes for children.
- Mental Health Improvement: On another note, EFT can diminish symptoms of anxiety, depression, and related disorders. Broadly speaking, this means a healthier public, fewer healthcare expenses, and heightened work efficiency.
- Education and Prevention: By integrating EFT principles in education or health campaigns, there’s an opportunity to proactively fortify relationships, mitigate relationship strain, and amplify societal grasp of emotional health.
- Economic Impacts: On the economic front, enhanced mental health, declining divorce rates, and improved work relationships spur economic gains. Content and emotionally stable individuals are often more industrious, potentially elevating economic performance.
- Research and Development: Lastly, EFT’s success and strong research base could fuel further studies in psychotherapy and relationship dynamics, ushering in advanced therapies and strategies for people and couples.
Should We Do Relationship Counseling Now? Some signs that it might be time.
There is a lot of high quality self-help available for distressed relationships. However, some of the difficult issues people in relationship face benefit most by professional help. The question, “should we do relationship counseling now?” comes up and isn’t always easy to answer. In this blog post, I explore seven key indicators that might suggest your relationship is facing challenges. Identifying these red flags early and getting effective relationship counseling can be the first step toward healing and rejuvenating your connection.
Growing a relationship is one of the most fulfilling aspects of life. It is a beautiful journey, but not without its fair share of peaks and valleys. While it’s normal for relationships to encounter rough patches, it’s crucial to recognize the warning signs when things take a downturn.
7 Signs Your Relationship May Be in Trouble
1. Diminished Priority on Quality Time Together
In the early stages of a relationship, the thrill of spending quality time together is often incomparable. However, if you find yourselves gradually drifting apart due to other commitments or distractions, it’s worth taking a closer look at the health of your relationship. To be clear, life has a way of keeping us busy, but a consistent decline in the time spent together could be an indication of fading interest in nurturing your bond. That said, it’s crucial to differentiate between evolving priorities and emotional detachment.
2. Communication Becomes Stagnant or Scarce
Effective communication is the lifeblood of a thriving relationship. When your conversations start feeling repetitive, mundane, or infrequent, it may be a sign of diminishing emotional intimacy and connection.
3. Negative and Minimal Communication
Meaningful communication should uplift and strengthen your relationship. If your interactions are marred by negativity, frequent arguments, or criticism, it can slowly erode the trust and harmony in your partnership.
4. Conflict Breeds Resentment Instead of Resolution
Every relationship experiences conflicts, but they should serve as opportunities for growth and resolution. When disagreements persist without resolution and lead to lingering resentment, it’s an indicator of deeper issues within your relationship.
5. One Partner Voices Concerns
Often, one partner may sense trouble in the relationship before the other. If your partner expresses concerns or dissatisfaction, it’s crucial to take their feelings seriously and initiate an open and honest conversation. This is another factor in answering, “should we do relationship counseling now?”
6. One Partner Shows Reluctance to Listen
Effective communication involves active listening from both partners. When one partner consistently dismisses the other’s thoughts and feelings without a willingness to engage, it can lead to frustration and emotional distance.
7. Criticism of Differences Instead of Embracing Them
Our unique qualities and quirks are what make us individuals. When these differences are met with criticism rather than celebration, it can poison the atmosphere in your relationship. There are reasons this begins to happen in relationship and a well-trained, attachment focused therapist can help you understand and overcome.
Conclusion
Healthy relationships require nurturing, communication, and mutual effort. Determining when it is time to seek relationship counseling isn’t always easy. Recognizing these warning signs that your relationship might be encountering challenges is the first step toward addressing any underlying issues and rekindling the flame of love. If you identify with any of these signs, consider seeking professional guidance and at the least, engaging in a sincere conversation with your partner about your concerns. Relationship counseling like EFT can get you back on the path of connection. Remember, with dedication and mutual support, many relationships can overcome obstacles and emerge stronger than ever before.
Should we do Premarital Counseling?
Your relationship holds wonderful promise for a lifelong responsive connection. Yet, you find yourselves trapped in frequent, seemingly trivial arguments. This trend can be both worrisome and somewhat frightening, casting a shadow over the bright hope that defines you as a couple. But remember, you are not alone. The right premarital counseling can offer a lifeline. Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) stands as a valuable, short-term investment for your future, and we offer this type of premarital counseling in Reno, NV.
Established by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT operates firmly on the foundations of attachment theory. This theory suggests that humans naturally seek to establish potent emotional bonds with others. EFT interprets relationship distress as a reaction to perceived threats to these essential connections.
In essence, when couples clash over various issues – whether finances, jealousy, or intimacy – these conflicts often originate from a protest against a perceived disconnect. This happens when we feel our partner is not available or attuned to our fundamental needs for support and closeness, resulting in distress and potentially leading to feelings of anxiety, numbness, or estrangement.
EFT strives to pinpoint and break the negative interaction cycles that prevent true connection. It aids in establishing a fresh cycle of interaction where both partners are seen as available and responsive. This renewed, stable attachment fosters not only effective communication but also cultivates adaptability in problem-solving, even during conflicts. Call us to learn more about EFT premarital counseling in Reno.
Counseling Help for Families with Teens
Understanding and Communicating with Teens
“If you are raising a teen child, you’re likely familiar with something like this: “I need to feel understood…I need you to hear me (BUT DON’T EXPECT ME TO TALK!)” This common challenge in parenting teens highlights the crucial need for effective communication strategies and, in some cases, professional family counseling for teens.
The “Hold Me Tight, Let Me Go” Program
Drs. Paul and Nancy Aikin have created a program called “Hold Me Tight, Let Me Go.” It helps families with teens. This program offers guided conversations. These assist parents and caregivers in understanding their kids better. It’s vital for family health. It helps teens to share more, improving family dynamics. Often, this is enough to boost family communication and understanding.
Integrating Counseling for Teens
Sometimes, counseling for teens is also needed. It complements the conversation techniques. Counseling aims to give teens a voice. It helps them handle emotions and thoughts positively. It’s useful for issues like anxiety, depression, or social challenges. These are common in adolescence.
Counseling often includes the entire family. It ensures teens are heard. Parents learn supportive techniques. This includes active listening and empathy. Families learn to share in a safe environment.
In conclusion, “Hold Me Tight, Let Me Go” starts vital family conversations. Adding counseling for teens can tackle deeper problems. This combination fosters open communication and expert guidance. It helps navigate teenage complexities. For struggling families, this approach can greatly strengthen relationships.
Paul and Nancy appeared on the “That Relationship Show” podcast recently. You can learn more about family workshops here, www.eftfamilies.com
Perspectives on Depression
This short video introduces varied perspectives on the causes and management of depression, or therapy for depression. Depression can be profoundly painful and should be assessed and treated professionally when symptoms feel unmanageable. There is a synergy between the views in this video but one resonated with my own experience: social factors like isolation, rejection, exclusion, feelings of not measuring up, etc will evoke a depressed mood regardless of what else is happening. This is consistent with an attachment view of emotion regulation where a secure connection enhances our ability to reflect on what we’re experiencing rather than becoming overwhelmed by it. This attachment view is at the core of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, Individuals, and Families. #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #drsuejohnson
2020-21 Emotional Wellness Programs for Teams
The Emotional Wellness Program is an education and interactive process program designed to normalize the importance of emotion in strengthening and repairing teammate relationships within an organization.
Notes, links and curated list of YouTube videos will be made available.
Hear EFT Pioneer, Dr. Sue Johnson on creating, protecting, and nourishing relationship
EFT Therapist and Trainer, George Faller, LMFT, 9/11 Remembrance Video
